How to Marry a Man in Manhattan―My Way
A couple of months ago, an announcement appeared in the New York Times that “Cindy Ryan” (not her real name) had gotten married. There was nothing particularly interesting or unusual about it, except to people who had known Cindy and lost contact with her, like me, to whom the news was astounding. Cindy had gotten married! At forty! It was nothing short of inspirational.
You see, Cindy was one of those New York women who had been trying to get married for years. We all know them. They’re the women we’ve been reading about for the past ten years, who are attractive (not necessarily beautiful) and seem to be able to get everything―except married. Cindy sold advertising for a car magazine. She knew stereo equipment. She was as big as a man. She shot guns and traveled (once, on her way to the airport, she had to punch out a drunk cab driver, throw him in the back seat, and drive herself to the airport). She wasn’t exactly the most feminine woman, but she always had men.
But every year, she got older, and when I would run into her at an old friend’s cocktail party, she’d regale me and everyone else with stories of the big one who got away. The guy with the yacht. The CEO who came to bed in mouse slippers.
And, you couldn’t help it. You’d look at her and feel a mixture of admiration and revulsion. You’d walk away thinking―she’ll never get married. If she does marry, it’s going to have to be some boring bank manager who lives in New Jersey. And besides, she’s too old.
Then you’d go home and lie in bed, and the whole thing would come back to haunt you, until you had to call up your friends and be a nasty little cat and say, “Sweetie, if I ever end up like her, be sure to shoot me, huh?”
Well, guess what. You were wrong. Cindy got married. He’s not the kind of guy she ever thought she’d end up with, but she’s happier than she’s ever been in her life.
It is time. Time to stop complaining about no good men. Time to stop calling your machine every half hour to see if a man has called. Time to stop identifying with Martha Stewart’s lousy love life even if she is on the cover of People magazine.
Yes, it is finally time to marry a man in Manhattan, and best of all, it can be done. So relax. You have plenty of time. Martha, pay attention.
When it comes to marrying a man in Manhattan, two rules apply. “You have to be sweet,” said Lisa, thirty-eight, a correspondent for a network news show. But at the same time, said Britta, a photo rep, “you can’t let them get away with anything.”
For these women, age is an advantage. If a woman has survived single in New York until her mid-thirties, chances are she knows a thing or two about how to get what she wants. So, when one of these New York women targets a man as a potential husband, there is usually very little he can do to get away.
Rebecca, thirty-nine, a journalist who got married last year, recalls a moment when she found another woman’s phone number jumbled among her banker boyfriend’s business cards.
“I called the number, and asked the bitch point-blank what was up,” Rebecca said. Sure enough, the woman revealed that Rebecca’s boyfriend had asked her out to dinner. “I hit the roof. I didn’t scream at her, but I became like something out of one of those nighttime soap operas. I actually told her to keep her hands off and not to call him again. She said, ‘You’ve got a great one there, you should be nice to him.’ I said, ‘Well, if he’s so great, how come he called you when he’s living with me?'”
“Then I called him. He had the nerve to be livid with me for ‘interfering in his private business.’ I said, ‘Get one thing straight, buddy. When you’re going out with me, there is no private business.’ Still, for about two days afterward, I thought we were finished. Then we got over it, and he asked me to marry him about three months later.”
There are other methods. After Lisa had been seeing her future husband, Robert, for two months, he started to get squirmy.
“What do you think if I go out with other people?” he asked.
“I think you should do comparison shopping.” Lisa said, super coolly. “How else can you possibly appreciate me? I’m not a jailer.”
That really blew him away.
“It’s all about self-esteem,” Lisa said. “Men have to feel that there are limits and you’re not going to take anything.”
One well-known problem is living with a guy before you’re married, and then he doesn’t do anything about asking you to marry him. This can be taken care of with dispatch. “Just heard a story,” said Trudie. “Woman, living with guy for a year. One morning, she wakes up. ‘Are we going to get married?’ Guy says no. She says, ‘Move out right now.’ He asks her to marry him that weekend.”
“One of the biggest mistakes women make is that they don’t discuss marriage from the beginning.” said Lisa.
在曼哈顿把自己嫁出去
数月前，《纽约时报》上刊载了一则小启事，上面说辛迪?赖安（化名）结婚了。事情本身并不有趣稀奇，但对那些认识她，并且和她失去联络的人来说，比如说我自己，这则消息就显得非同寻常。辛迪居然结婚了？在她40岁的时候？这个消息实在太具启发性了。
你要知道，辛迪是那些多年来一直试图把自己嫁出去的纽约女人中的一员。其实我们都认识她们。在过去的十年间，这些女人的消息总是不绝于耳――她们非常迷人（不一定漂亮），除了婚姻，她们似乎可以得到任何其他的东西。辛迪替一家汽车杂志社卖广告，通晓立体声装置。她有着和男人一样魁梧的身材，懂得射击，还外出旅行（有一次，在去机场的路上，她一拳打翻了酒醉的出租车司机，还把他扔到了后座，然后自己驾车到了机场。）虽说她并不是特别有女人味的人，可她身边却从不缺男人。
但是每过一年，她便衰老一分。每当我和她在一个老朋友的鸡尾酒会上不期而遇的时候，她总会汇声汇色地跟我们描述刚刚与她分手的男友的趣闻――那个拥有游艇，穿着老鼠拖鞋上床的总裁。
可渐渐地，你开始受不了她。你以一种复杂的眼神打量着她，有敬佩，也夹杂着丝缕的反感。你离开她的时候不禁在想：她可别指望能嫁出去。如果她真出嫁的话，老公一定是新泽西乡下地方某个俗不可耐的银行经理。再说，她年纪也太大了。
然后你回到家，躺在床上，整件事情又会在你脑海中重新呈现出来，直到你不得不打电话给你的朋友，像一只顽皮小猫一样跟她们说：“亲爱的，如果哪天我也沦落到她今天的下场，你可要记得一枪毙了我，嗯？”
可是，你知道吗？大家都错了，辛迪真的结婚了。虽说那人并不是她所设想的要与之携手偕老的类型，可她比过往生命中的任何一刻都要快乐。
是时候了，让我们不再抱怨世间没有好男人；让我们不再每隔半小时就检查家里的电话留言，就为了要弄清到底有没有男人打来电话；让我们不再相信玛莎?斯图亚特蹩脚的爱情故事，管她有没有上《人物》杂志的封面。
是的，终于到了在曼哈顿嫁人的时候了，而最好的是，事情真的可以实现。所以不必紧张。你有足够的时间。玛莎，你要留心啦。
想要在曼哈顿把自己嫁出去，规矩有两条：“你得小鸟伊人，”丽莎说，她今年38岁，是一家网络新闻节目的通讯记者。而同时，布丽塔，一位图片代理人认为，“你要让他们吃不了兜着走。”
对于这些女人来说，成熟是她们的优势。如果一个女人能在纽约单身熬到三十五六的话，那么她必定对如何获得她想要的东西成竹在胸。所以，当这样的一个纽约女人锁定了一个男人作为她未来丈夫的发展对象时，他通常都会被乖乖俘虏。
丽贝卡（39岁，去年刚结婚的一名记者），讲述了她的经历，她在她银行家男友的名片里翻出了一个女人的电话号码。
“我拨了那个号码，劈头就问那个贱女人到底什么居心，”丽贝卡说。不用说，那个女人交代说是丽贝卡的男朋友主动约她吃饭的。“一时间，我愤怒到了极点，虽然说我没有冲她大声尖叫，可我感觉自己很像晚上那些肥皂剧上的怨妇一样喋喋不休。我叫她不要再碰我的男朋友，不要再打电话骚扰他。她告诉我说，‘你那位其实很不错，你应该对他好一点。’我就说，‘他要真有那么好，怎么会在和我同居的时候还打电话给你？’”
“然后我把这件事告诉了他。他竟敢发我脾气，说我‘干涉他的私事。’我说，‘你最好搞清楚一点，老兄，你与我在一起就没有任何私事可言。’此后的两天大家互不理睬，我想我们玩完了。可后来我们又和好了，三个月后他就向我求婚。”
当然还有其他方法。罗伯特（丽莎的未来老公）在与她约会了两个月之后开始蠢蠢欲动。
“我要是与其他女孩约会，你怎么看？”他问道。
“我想你确实应该货比三家，”丽莎说，那表情简直酷毙了，“你还想我怎样？我又不是狱卒。”
一时间把他弄得灰头土脸的。
“这完全是自尊心的问题，”丽莎说，“要让男人觉得有些东西不能踩过界，同时你要让他明白，你并没打算从他身上拿走任何东西。”
一个众所周知的问题是婚前与一个男人同居，可他却从来不主动向你求婚。遇到这种情况，你就得快刀斩乱麻了。“刚刚听说一个故事，”楚迪说，“一个女的，和一个男的一起住了一年多。一天早晨，她醒来，‘我们要结婚吗？’男的说不。她说，‘那你马上给我搬出去。’结果那个周末那男的就向她求婚了。”
“女人犯的其中一个最大的错误就是她们没有一开始就把结婚挂在嘴边。”丽莎说。
