How to Win Respect
June was part of a team that had struggled hard to finish a difficult assignment. “I wanted to call it a day and get home as much as anyone,” she recalls. But she found herself saying, “I’m sorry, but we need to do some more work on this.”
Suddenly she was the most unpopular person in the room. No one agreed with her, and some were openly angry that she was rocking the boat. “But I stuck to my guns,” she says. “When the report was presented we were commended for picking up on the very thing I said we’d missed. I was right and everyone had to respect that.”
THE POPULARITY TRAP
Respect versus popularity―it is the old conflict between being professional and being personal. We want to do a good job, but we want to be friends with everyone, too. The truth is, you can’t always be liked if you do your job property. And the desire to keep everyone happy can become a weakness.
“At best,” says management consultant Jennie Lumley, “worrying about what others think makes us reactive when we need to be proactive. At worst, we’re so busy playing the office sweetheart that we lose sight of the demands of the job and our needs.”
This is a particular problem for women professions, Lumley finds. “It’s a childhood hangover. We all long to be the most popular girl in school. Also, girls are brought up to try to please. This need to be liked gets in the way of career progress. At work, men don’t give a thought to what others think so long as they get their way.”
AT TIMES YOU HAVE TO BE TOUGH
Although we would all love to be Ms Popular at home and in the office, at work the task is not to be liked, but to be effective, says computer sales executive Andrea.
“This is possibly the single most important lesson we can learn. You can’t always be popular. You shouldn’t have to be; it’s not what you’re there for. Progress depends on having your own ideas and sticking to them. And that means having the guts to make difficult decisions when you have to,” she says.
The soft decision is never a real option, as many women find. Pat had to deal with a colleague who had repeatedly been warned about her absenteeism, and now had to be told to go. When Pat tried to fire her, the colleague was so distraught, Pat gave her another chance.
“It was a disaster,” Pat says. “I had fired her and she’d walked away from it. My colleagues were resentful. I lost their respect, my bosses’ and my own. And I still had to deal with her in the end!”
We’re aware from day one in our first job that every decision we make is either a building block or a stumbling block on our career path. We should use the time to lay the groundwork of future respect by being professional I.e. responsible, innovative, diligent and reliable.
Respect is never given for nothing. Claire knew that she was offered a move to Paris with her finance company because she had gained a reputation for keeping cool under fire. And the next step up the ladder would depend on her performance in Paris.
“It’s essential to build regard if you’re going to be able to do what you want in your job,” she says. Winning respect enhances all you do. A proposal for change is more likely to be well received; an application for a raise or a request for promotion is more likely to succeed.
COUNTDOWN TO RESPECT
Know what you believe in and stick to it. Nothing loses you respect quicker than inconsistency.
Keep your distance. Be friendly but not over familiar. Don’t confide intimate details.
Keep your own counsel. Don’t share all your dilemmas. Even if you resolve them you’ll have left the impression that you’re indecisive or unable to cope with pressure.
Don’t ask anyone to do anything you wouldn’t do yourself.
Communicate―simply and often.
Keep your eye on the objective.
Don’t get drawn into colleagues’ personal lives.
Keep cool. Don’t respond instantly or say yes to everything.
Keep your head. A calm presence is an invaluable asset.
Be good at your job. Know that you’re good. Self-respect is the key. It’ll show up in the way people deal with you.
Accept that you can’t please all the people all the time―or even some of the people all of the time.
GENTLE PERSUASION
The woman who builds her professional edge in this way isn’t condemned to loneliness and isolation. You can be firm without being unpleasant, and being tough doesn’t mean being rude or confrontational. Persuasive and assertive are the watch words.
“To make the right decisions and push them through, you will need the kid glove more often than the boxing glove,” Lumley suggests. And a sense of humor is vital.
If you’re doing your job properly you’ll seldom be everyone’s favorite person. But the payoff comes in the form of a deeper liking and admiration. Respect is like money in the bank: You have to put it in before you can draw it out. Don’t worry about popularity, work on respect. That will take you a lot further in the long run.
如何在工作中获得重视？
为完成一项棘手的工作，琼斯和她的小组正忙得焦头烂额。“我本来也想和其他人一样放手不干算了，只想早点回家休息。”可她最终却说：“对不起，看来我们大家还得加班把这个环节再完善一下。”
她一下子就成了整个房间里最不受欢迎的人。没有人支持她，甚至还有人公开表示反对，说她是无事生非。可琼斯说：“可我一点也没有后退，后来我们的报告很成功，正是我提出要完善的环节受到了肯定和表扬。结果证明我是正确的，大家都会尊重这个事实。”
人气陷阱
受人尊敬与受人欢迎归结起来其实是敬业和个人化之间的矛盾。我们都想把工作做好，同时我们也想和所有的人成为朋友。而实情是如果你想把工作做好的话，你就必然不讨人喜爱。想成为好好先生的一厢情愿往往会成为你的弱点。
管理咨询专家詹妮?伦莉说：“太介意别人的看法对工作没有好处，勉强说得上好的话就是当我们必须积极面对的时候，我们开始有了反应；而最糟糕的局面是大家都热衷于做办公室的好好先生，而漠视了工作和我们本身的要求。”
职业女性尤其容易产生这个问题，詹妮?伦莉说：“这是因为童年给我们太深的痕迹，我们都想成为学校里最受欢迎的女生；同时，女孩子从小就被教导要善解人意。而这种要讨人喜爱的心理往往会成为职业生涯的障碍。而对男性来说就没有这个问题，只要他们达到他们预期的目标，他们才不会理会其他人到底怎么想。”
有时你就要狠下心来！
电脑销售主管安德莉认为，虽然我们都想成为家里或办公室的受欢迎人士，可工作的性质不是要求人们要招人喜爱，而是一定要有工作效率。
安德莉说：“这有可能是我们学到的最重要的东西。你不可能时时处处受欢迎，你也没必要这样做；你的工作也不要求你这样。工作取得进展很大程度上是因为你有自己独立的想法并努力去实现它，这也就意味着在必要的时候，你就得狠下心来做出艰苦的决定。”
而很多女性也发现，不痛不痒的决定其实不能解决问题。帕特就得面对这么一位同事，她因旷工已经被警告多次，最后还被勒令辞职。那同事知道自己要被炒鱿鱼时表现得非常激动，帕特一时不忍给了她第二次机会。
帕特承认说：“这真是一场灾难，我已经炒了她，她却毫发无伤地留了下来！其他同事都很有意见，我一下子失去了他们对我的支持，同时失去的还有上司对我和我对自己的信任。这还不算，到头来我还得面对那个同事。”
我们在第一天工作的时候就很清楚我们做出的每一个决定都意义重大，会影响我们未来事业的发展，要么添砖加瓦，要么成为自己事业的绊脚石。我们因此应该在自己的专业领域兢兢业业，为自己将来的事业打下坚实的基础，成为一个负责、创新、勤勉、值得信赖的人。
没有人会无缘无故地赏识你。克莱尔和她的金融公司被提拔到法国巴黎去工作，而她清楚这是因为她能在批评压力下保持冷静，正是自己的工作表现赢得了上司的赞赏。而她的下一次晋升就取决于她在巴黎的工作表现。
她说：“如果你想在工作上大展拳脚，实施你自己的想法，别人对你的重视相当关键。”这种重视能让你更顺利地达到目的，比如说人家会更仔细地研究你提出来的改革方案，你提薪或升迁的申请也更能得到满意的答复。
让人重视你的注意事项
清楚自己的想法并坚持。左右摇摆会让你在别人心目中的形象大打折扣。
保持你的距离，友好却不要太亲近，不要和同事袒露太私人的细节。
把决定权拿在自己手里，不要事无巨细都向同事请教。因为即使你已经自己解决了问题，你会给人以优柔寡断或无法面对压力的不良印象。
连自己都不想做的事情就不要麻烦别人去做。
与同事的沟通――直接并经常。
一直盯住你的目标。
不要纠缠于同事的私人生活中。
保持冷静，对听到的任何事情不要立刻表态。
保持理智，镇定是你工作制胜的法宝。
善待你的工作，相信自己能胜任。自信是关键，这也会影响到人们对你的态度。
明白自己无法让所有人都满意，就是让一小部分人满意都很难。
温柔的说服力
以此构筑自己专业优势的女性不会注定孤独或受到别人的隔离。因为你可以通过不令人生厌的方式表达你的不同意见，坚决并不代表要粗暴或挑衅，要做到耐心劝服与坚定自信并重。
詹妮?伦莉说：“做出一个正确的决定并去实现它，你更需要的是哄小孩的耐性，而不是要和自己的同事拼个你死我活。”而幽默感也是很重要的一环。
尽职做工作并不能使你成为大家都喜欢的人物，可这样做的报酬却相当可观，它能让你得到更深层次的喜爱和仰慕。尊敬就如同银行里的钱一样：在提款之前你必须先往里面存款！不用担心自己的人气指数，让别人注意到你的工作表现，从长远来说，这能助你迈向成功之路。
